[FIC] Helplessly Aware

[clayangel]

Title: Helplessly Aware
Author: Clay
Pairings: Ryan/Greg, Greg/Chip, mention of Ryan/Colin, Greg’s POV
Rating: R
Summary: Chip groans a little beneath me and fists his hands in the pillow case, and I think that I might love him, but that doesn’t keep me from thinking about Ryan.
Author’s Notes: The flashbacks are in chronological order, but Ryan’s and Chip’s don’t coincide time line wise... does that make sense? Also, many thanks to my lovely beta, zekkass, and also to my baby, asuka14, for assuring me that everyone isn't horribly OOC. Also, unashamedly stealing knowyourlips's style.
Word Count: 2,800




Chip groans a little beneath me and fists his hands in the pillow case, and I think that I might love him, but that doesn’t keep me from thinking about Ryan.

I try anyway.

Chip’s back is smooth and pale and nothing like Ryan’s bronze skin. Chip is nothing like Ryan. He’s light and sunshine, almost disturbingly so at times. And I might need that. Even if I’ll never admit it, he makes me happy.

If only I knew if I wanted to be happy.



”You shouldn’t smoke,” Chip had said, and I blew smoke in his face.

He actually laughed, light and slightly self deprecating, and settled next to me. I shifted away a little unconsciously. The brick was rough against my back. I felt it pulling at my shirt, and I hoped it didn’t show when I went back inside. And it was fucking cold there in God country Minnesota, my breath leaving me in small white puffs, indistinguishable from the smoke.

But Chip absolutely radiated warmth, even when I’d shifted another six inches down the wall, I could still feel him. He’d actually been shivering. He’d wrapped his arms around himself and stuck his hands in his armpits, staring across the parking lot with a small smile on his lips, and I’d had to wonder just what he was doing there.

I’d thought, for a moment, that I hadn’t wanted to know.

I’d looked away and taken a deep drag on my cigarette, feeling the weight of the smoke in my lungs. His eyes were on me.

“Hey, Greg, can I get a drag on that?”

I’d nearly choked on my laughter and turned to look at him incredulously. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

But he’d just looked at me, that slight smile still on his lips, and held out one hand, and this wasn’t funny anymore.

“No.”

“Aw, why not?” He nudged against me with his shoulder playfully, and I shifted away again and shrugged, looking back out at the parking lot.

“It’s bad for you.”



“Wait... wait,” Chip gets out between thick, heavy breaths, and I want to ignore him because I’m so fucking close, but I pull back, pull out and rub at my eyes while he squirms on the bed beneath me. When I look down again, he’s turned around. He’s turned over, stretched out on his back. His arms are over his head, stretching languidly, and he’s smiling. He’s always smiling. He squeezes my hips between his knees.

“I want to watch you.”

My cock absolutely jumps at his words, and I growl softly and push back in. He closes his eyes, still smiling, with a groan caught somewhere between pleasure and pain. A moment later his eyes flash open again, and I kiss him hungrily.



Ryan had snorted, absently tracing one of my nipples with a forefinger. “Why?”

My hands sneaked down his abdomen, and his breath caught a little, stomach muscles twitching. I kept my eyes on him, and he’d stared right back at me as I wrapped my fingers around his shaft and gave a quick, tight tug.

“I want to watch you come.”

He had smiled and laughed again, a quick, derisive sound marred only by the wonder in his eyes.

“Going soft on me?” He had said, a little too quietly.

So I’d smirked and tugged on him again. “Maybe I just want to see you squirm.”



Chip curls around me, lazily tracing my collar bone with two fingers.

In the silence I can hear the words I know he wants to speak, but he won’t. He’s afraid I’ll laugh at him again. Maybe he’s hoping I’ll say it first. Then it will be safe.

But I won’t.

Instead I just tighten my arms around him and enjoy the feeling of his bare chest against mine. He’s so warm. Part of me wants to bury inside him and never come out. Part of me wants to close my eyes and murmur into his hair all the things he needs to hear.

In reality, I pull back and swing my legs over the side of the bed so I can find my pants and get dressed.

“Where are you going?” Chip asks.

“Bar,” I reply. “I’m going to get us something to drink.”

He’s quiet for a moment, just watching me. I can feel his eyes on my back.

“You could order room service.”

He has a point, but we both know I need to get out of here for a little while. I just shrug and say, “I could,” and pull my shoes on.



Chip had wrapped his arm around me from behind, and I’d stilled automatically. I’d known it was him somehow, even though it was Jeff I’d spend the entire show flirting with, and even though Chip had done the same, and we’d both ignored the fact that we’d met each others’ eyes each time there was even the slightest hint of sexual innuendo.

“I want you,” Chip had whispered, warm, beer scented breath washing over my cheek.

I slid the key card in the door and tried to act like I hadn’t become instantly aroused.

“You’re drunk,” I’d said and opened the hotel room door.

He’d followed me inside because, let’s face it, I was inviting him in, and shook his head. “I had one beer.”

I dropped my key and wallet on the desk. “Then you’re just stupid.”

“Maybe I am,” he’d agreed, untucking my shirt to slide his hands up my back, “but I still want you.” I let him run his fingers over my sides and across my belly and bit my lip to cut off the soft exhale that threatened to leave me at the touch. It had been a while, but I wasn’t about to encourage him either.

Instead I said, “I’m no good for you,” too softly and wished that my voice didn’t sound so God damned weak.

And the idiot had only turned me around, smiling, and kissed me in a way that made me wonder if he was in love with me before saying, “I can live with that.”

And who was I to argue?



At just past one A.M. the hotel’s bar is empty save a few old men reminiscing at a far table. I order a bottle of champagne.

Even after the bartender sets it down, however, I stay right in my seat. I order a long island iced tea, sip it slowly and check my watch.



Ryan tried to break up with me three times before I did it for him.

I met him at his hotel room, as was usual, and he’d just looked at me and opened his mouth to speak. There had been something in his eyes, a sadness that had taken me nearly two weeks to accept.

I simply stood in his doorway and waited for it.

Another full minute passed while neither of us spoke, and then suddenly he grabbed me by the lapels of my jacket and hauled me into the room. I should have been startled, but I was used to it by then. I let him slam me up against the wall as he shut the door, fighting my inevitable arousal. He’d kissed me hard, hungrily, and I’d tried so, so desperately, to not kiss him back, but I could never say no to him.

Afterward we lay together in his bed. The last four nights he’d taken to holding me after sex. I think that was my first indication that something was wrong.

I’d let myself curl into his side and rest my head on his chest and tried not to think about what it meant. I’d even been letting myself fall asleep in his arms, but not this night.

This night I sighed, unconsciously, and sat up. I turned away and looked for my pants.

“Where are you going?” he’d mumbled, and I’d actually wanted to cry.

“It’s over.”

Had he not been trying to say the same words to me for weeks, the sound he made now, a choked sort of whimper, would have broken my heart. As it was, I just shook my head and continued to dress.

“I see the way you look at him,” I’d said, and we’d both known who I was talking about. Just the thought of him hurt; just the image of him smiling at Ryan and Ryan smiling back made me want to go down to the bar and drink until I couldn’t remember, until I couldn’t think of anything anymore.

Ryan had made another noise, but I’d cut him off with a shake of the head, my voice softer than I would have liked – disgustingly weak. “He’s in love with you.”

“But I’m in love with–“

“Him,” I’d growled, spinning to face him finally. “You’re in love with him.” He’d never said those words to me before, and I’d be damned if he was going to start now.

I’d told myself as I left his room that night that I was done with him. It was over. He was and always had been nothing more than a distraction, nothing more than sex, and I could get that anywhere.

Two weeks later I was back in his bed.



When Ryan walks into the bar, I don’t even try to pretend I’m not waiting for him. He sits next to me and orders a drink, and the bartender doesn’t say a word.

My tea is down to the dregs, and he swallows his scotch in three gulps, but we wave the barkeep away when he looks to us.

“How’s Colin?” I say suddenly, and Ryan laughs, light and happy.

“Feisty tonight,” he says, smiling.

“How’s Chip?” He comes back with after a moment. I open my mouth to reply, but before I can, he’s continuing, smirking at me. “Realize he’s too good for you yet?”

I laugh and shove him playfully, and Ryan pretends to teeter on his stool.

“No, he’s good,” I say once we’re both a bit more serious. “Really good.” I look to the bottle of champagne and frown a little. “I wish I could....” But I trail off, not quite knowing how to phrase what I’m feeling.

“Mm.” Ryan’s response is hummed, low, and I know he’s thinking about Colin.

A few more minutes pass. The mood has suddenly turned melancholy, with Ryan staring down at the amber tinged bottom of his glass and me watching our reflections in the mirror behind the bar. We both know why we’re here, and we both know that we shouldn’t be.

Eventually Ryan gives a little grunt and stands. “I’m going to go take a piss before I head back up.” He doesn’t look at me.

I watch his retreating back for a few seconds and think that maybe, just maybe, I won’t follow him this time. I’m off my stool and halfway across the bar before the thought is even finished.



We’d had sex for the first time, and Chip had wanted to cuddle afterward. Cuddle. Like a fucking girl. I’d laughed and turned away.

By the fourth time, he’d given up. I had been waiting for it, already having grown accustomed to our routine. We would lie, side by side, and I would listen to Chip catching his breath. After a few minutes he would roll onto his side and touch my chest with his fingertips, and I would turn away. He would mumble something just low enough that I couldn’t make out the words, and I would go to sleep.

So I was waiting for it, listening to him breathing. But he’d gotten it wrong. He said something that might have been “Good night” and turned away from me.

I was pleased for almost two minutes. I was amused at how I had already managed to train him. And then I turned to him, wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him tight to me. I fell asleep with him in my arms.



The moment I close and lock the bathroom door behind us, Ryan is there with his hands on my shoulders, pressing me into the white painted wood with slightly more force than necessary. But I don’t complain. I never complain. Just like he doesn’t complain when I grip his hips hard enough to leave bruises.

We both have lovers that treat us with kind words and soft touches, but we’re not China dolls. We’re not about to break.

When Ryan kisses me, it’s hard and desperate, and when he pulls back and then presses his face into my neck and says, “God, I’ve missed you,” it takes my breath away.

I hug him tightly and bury my face in his collar. He smells like Colin, but I’m used to that.



We had been lying on the couch in my den. Ryan’s bare chest was pressed against my back, and we were almost dozing when Ryan said, “You’re seeing Chip now.”

I had only laughed and replied, “I was wondering when you were going to bring that up.”

He was silent for a moment, tracing my shoulder blades with one finger.

“Maybe it’s time for us to stop this.” And of course I knew what he was talking about, and I didn’t want to hear it anymore than he’d wanted to say it, so he hurried on. “I mean, you have Chip now, and I have Colin, and it’s not like... I mean, can you imagine us growing old together?”

I’d turned to face him and laughed because the idea was absolutely ludicrous. “Yeah, right. We’ll get a little house with a white picket fence.”

He’d smiled. “And a dog.”

And I’d pretended to scowl. “You mean a cat.”

And we’d both laughed and gone on for a bit about me coming home from work to find him in a frilly pink apron with dinner on the table, about arguing over bills, about mowing the lawn and fixing the roof. We’d both fallen silent, then, each lost in thought.

“You could have something like that with Chip,” he had said after a moment, voicing what was on both our minds.

And I finished the thought. “And you could have that with Colin.” I’d sighed and looked down at his collar. “Maybe it is time to stop.”

Ryan touched my neck with his fingertips, watching his hand rather than meeting my eyes. “Do we have to?”

I didn’t want to answer that, so I had wrapped my arms around him and bowed my head against his shoulder, and he’d only held me tighter.



We only stay in the bathroom for a few minutes. We’re far too tired to do anything more at the moment, but we both know we’ll find each other the next morning before the bus leaves.

We ride the elevator together and talk about politics and golf. He’d taken the champagne from me at one point, carrying it for me, twisting it between his hands and only giving it back when we come to my room. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says and touches my shoulder. His slight smile turns into a smirk, and he looks at my door. “Have fun tonight.”

And I laugh and smirk back. “You, too.”

Chip is cross legged on the bed in a pair of sweat pants and a thin t-shirt when I come back inside, flipping idly through the television channels. He smiles when he sees me, and I can’t help but smile back.

“Champagne?” he asks, raising one eyebrow.

I chuckle, nod and snatch two cellophane wrapped plastic cups from the bathroom before toeing off my shoes and joining him on the bed. I tear the cellophane off the cups with a flourish and hand one to him, tossing the wrappers on the floor.

“Romantic,” he jokes, but smiles genuinely when I fill his cup.

“You know me,” I say, smiling, and pour some champagne for myself before stretching out on the bed beside him and placing the bottle on a night stand.

“So,” he says, snatching up the remote and turning off the television. “What’s the occasion?” He sips slowly and looks down at me, and I shrug.

“Do we need one?”

He laughs, confused but pleased, and touches my cheek gently. His eyes sparkle in the dim light, and I think, again, that I’m probably in love with him. He takes my cup away, placing the both of them on the table behind him and then lying down himself, tucking one arm beneath his head and tracing my lips and cheeks with the other hand. I curl one hand around the nape of his neck and kiss him softly.

And try to forget about Ryan.

End.

Comments

[kalimyre.livejournal.com]

You know, weirdly enough, the first thing I want to say is that if it wasn't your name on this, I'd swear it was by Emma. Which is a compliment, believe me, because her writing blows me away.

I like the way Ryan and Greg turn to each other, the way they know it's wrong, but there's a certain raw appeal, an honesty to it. No pretty wrapping, no kidding themselves that it's something it's not. And the scene where Greg breaks up with him, wow, that got me. I really felt for Chip and Colin in this too, moreso for Chip, who seems so young, so uncertain. So sadly hopeful.

*sigh* Lovely story. Made me sad and happy at the same time.

[trustingno1.livejournal.com]

You know, weirdly enough, the first thing I want to say is that if it wasn't your name on this, I'd swear it was by Emma. Which is a compliment

*cracks up* I'll take that as a compliment ^_^

[kalimyre.livejournal.com]

*laughs*

Well... good. You should. ;P

[clayangel.livejournal.com]

You know, weirdly enough, the first thing I want to say is that if it wasn't your name on this, I'd swear it was by Emma. Which is a compliment, believe me, because her writing blows me away. -- I will take that as a compliment because her writing blows me away, too. ^_^

I like the way Ryan and Greg turn to each other, the way they know it's wrong, but there's a certain raw appeal, an honesty to it. No pretty wrapping, no kidding themselves that it's something it's not. -- *nods* That's what I love about this pairing. They compliment each other, but not in the way Ryan compliments Colin... in a way where they... understand each other. And they might not neccessarily be good for each other, but there's a bit of an addiction there.

I really felt for Chip and Colin in this too, moreso for Chip, who seems so young, so uncertain. So sadly hopeful. -- Yeah. Actually, in my head even thought I never found a place to put this in the story, Chip and Colin kind of know what's going on. They've never been told and they've never talked about it, but they know. Or maybe Colin knows and Chip just suspects a little. (now I'm thinking about this far more than I should be) I think Colin would have been a little crushed when he first figured it out, but that would have been years and years ago and now he just accepts it. Which is awfully sad. Chip, on the other hand, would probably have suspected something was going on between Greg and Ryan before he even pursued Greg, so he just pretends it doesn't exist. Colin, I think, would acknowledge it but try to deal with it in his own way. I don't know if he'd ever confront Ryan. He might even feel oddly guilty if he thought that he was taking Ryan away from Greg since those two were together first. *pets Colin* Okay. ^_^ I'm going to stop rambling now.

[kalimyre.livejournal.com]

Hmm... interesting Colin thoughts. See, I was also thinking that he knew about it; he knows Ryan too well and their relationship has gone on too long for him not to know, really. Colin, to me, is more of an avoidant personality, the type to smile and pretend everything is fine, to make the best of what he has. To make jokes and just not answer questions that bother him, even if he's the one asking them. Maybe he knows how much it would hurt if he really thought about it, really let himself picture Ryan and Greg together, or admitted to himself that he knows, so he pretends. It's easier that way.

(Also, LJ is still refusing to let me reply to comments from email. *kicks LJ* Damn thing.)

[clayangel.livejournal.com]

Colin, to me, is more of an avoidant personality, the type to smile and pretend everything is fine, to make the best of what he has. --- Yeah, exactly. ^_^ Now I feel bad for him. He's not even in this story, but I feel far worse for him than I do for Chip. Must go make Colin happy....

Also, LJ is still refusing to let me reply to comments from email. --- Me, too. :P

[trustingno1.livejournal.com]

Hi. Well, firstly, I guess, the requisite giggle at the implication that I have a style *giggles*. Sounds far better than anything with the word "formulaic" or likewise in it. ^_^

Oh, the fic? *looks surprised* Yeah, the fic. That's why I'm here. *smirks* Right. Well - I know I've said this before, but still - haven't seen any Greg/Chip interaction since that very early UKWL ep (that was them, wasn't it? God, I can't even remember. *grimaces*). So yeah. Not a couple that I really get, I 'spose. And that sounds really - I don't know how it sounds, actually. But I felt like I had to say it so you don't think it's your writing that I'm indifferent to ... just ... them, I guess. -_-

But anyway. Am a massive fan of Ryan/Greg (*smirks*). And Greg and anyone-else-while-he's-still-thinking-about-Ryan. So I liked, muchly.

Nothing specific to say, really. Loved the tiny reference to them flirting with Jeff, I guess because I've - not heard you talk, but seen you write? :S - about the three of them ... and yeah. *shrugs*

Hah, every time I scroll back up to read parts, it lands somewhere around: When Ryan kisses me, it’s hard and desperate, and when he pulls back and then presses his face into my neck and says, “God, I’ve missed you,” it takes my breath away. which amuses me to no end, because I adore that line. So, so much.

I just like how gentle it is with Chip, and how that should really be perfect, but he's still hung up on Ryan, and ... yeah. I'm getting repetitive, I'm thinking, but hey.

and I think, again, that I’m probably in love with him. Although, for some strange reason, I thought that that was the best line in the fic. Random, maybe, but still. Just because it sounds slightly blasé, almost, and not-fuzzy (there's a word for that, I'm sure), and everything else I see Greg as ... I also like that he and Ryan are - well - I don't know. I read them as kind of assholes, really. *shrugs* But I really like that. I don't think there are enough fics where, say, Ryan isn't perfectly in love with Colin, and man, I'm just - babbling, firstly. And veering off the subject of the fic.

Also being temporarily kicked off the computer, but I'd rather post this than leave it up for my mum to potentially see. -_- So yeah. Really, I'm just (insanely) glad to read something new of yours. :)

[clayangel.livejournal.com]

haven't seen any Greg/Chip interaction since that very early UKWL ep --- *pokes* *whispers* Watch Green Screen.... Albeit, there's far more Greg/Jeff evidence than Greg/Chip, but I'm going to do one my insane researching things concerning Greg/Chip, soon, so you'll have that. ^_^ Greg & Chip I like together because they're such opposites. Greg seems like he might need someone like Chip in his life to keep him from drowning in bitter cynicism and Chip.... well, I don't know quite what he'd see in Greg. *shrugs* Maybe he'd find Greg a bit of a mystery at first, and then he'd get him under his skin and wouldn't be able to let go. Like, I think someone as clingy as I imagine Chip could be would need a more stoic lover. It would just be the kind of person he's looking for. I know that I used to date stoic people when I was clingy, but then I turned into the stoic one and I tend to attract clingy people. 'Tis the way of things. *looks at what I just wrote* Jesus H Christ, that's a novel, isn't it? ^_^;

Am a massive fan of Ryan/Greg -- ^______^ I love them more and more and more. I'm currently trying to figure out a way to write a happy Ryan/Greg. I don't know if it's possible. But I think that would include having to hook Colin up with someone else. Probably Wayne.

Nothing specific to say, really. -- *snorts* *looks at your review, which could be a short story in itself* You write the best reviews. ^_^

Loved the tiny reference to them flirting with Jeff, I guess because I've - not heard you talk, but seen you write? :S - about the three of them -- Again, watch Green Screen. Or even the last live show I saw. SO much Chip/Jeff flirting.


I just like how gentle it is with Chip, and how that should really be perfect, but he's still hung up on Ryan, -- Yeah. You see, part of me writing this had to do with the fact that I wanted to explain to asuka14, who I role play with, why Greg had a thing for Ryan even though he was in a relationship with Chip, whom he loved very much. I don't know if I managed to explain anything, but it was fun anyway. ^_^

also like that he and Ryan are - well - I don't know. I read them as kind of assholes, really. -- In my head, they are assholes. ^_^ Ryan unintentionally. Greg a little moreso. But they get each other. Which leads me to want to talk about...

I don't think there are enough fics where, say, Ryan isn't perfectly in love with Colin -- The line that kept going through my head while I was writing this (though I was actually thinking about Greg because he's the main character but it works for both) was: "Colin would make Ryan happy but Greg would make Ryan complete." And that's where the problem lies. They'd both be enormously in love with their lovers, but no one would get them the way they get each other, and there'd just be a bond there and a sexual tension from years ago that wouldn't go away. And it would be love.... in, like, it's purest, rawest form.

*shakes head* I think this is longer than your review.

[trustingno1.livejournal.com]

You know you're losing it when you figure that because you replied in your head, it somehow - like - jumped out and typed itself up and posted, and *breaks off* Yeah.

Watch Green Screen.... *writhes around* Noooooooo. Seriously, I'm not sure why I have such an aversion to GS. *looks mildly confused* I have absolutely no desire to see it, whatsoever, and I - hah - noticed that my top lip's curling just thinking about it. rofl. I think I have issues with the show *cocks head to the side* Ones that I should try to work through ... am I seriously that hung up on Ryan? I didn't think I was. He's not even my favourite ... *sighs* Hmm.

I'm going to do one my insane researching things concerning Greg/Chip, soon, so you'll have that. ^_^ *cracks up* Oh, those are awesome. ^_^

Greg seems like he might need someone like Chip in his life to keep him from drowning in bitter cynicism First - random, but that was worded really nicely *smirks* 'drowning in bitter cynicism'? Niiiice. But *coughs* Yeah. That's why I have problems writing him and Ryan as happy. Because Ryan's not going to be a big help there. There's no obvious sort of (I want to say 'happier' here, but I don't mean it) one, out of the two of them. No Colin, or Chip. Or Wayne, when he's with Greg. They're written as these lighter, (happier) guys who have adorable smiles and make everything better, on the surface. But Ryan and Greg? It's easier to write them as just plain bitter together (and I mean, hey, I like it.) That was pointless *sighs*

I'm currently trying to figure out a way to write a happy Ryan/Greg. *gives a dorky high five* Hey, me too! *smiles* I'm thinking I might just set mine pre-Colin, rofl. Because I have a lot of trouble writing them together without mentioning Colin, and I kind of want to try.

looks at your review, which could be a short story in itself *makes a face*

I like the notion of Greg making Ryan complete *looks intrigued* I like the idea of them not being strong enough to stay away from each other, but having a slightly destructive relationship, all the same.

but then I turned into the stoic one I have no idea if I told you this (I probably did, knowing me. I write a lot sometimes ^_^), but in one of the fics you wrote - although I'll be damned if I can remember which one (one of your Secret Valentines ones, I guess) - something about your Greg really, really reminded me of you. And I mean that in a good way, despite the fact that I basically just called Greg a bitter, cynical asshole. -_- Because I adore Greg, rofl. And it wasn't the asshole bit that reminded me of you. You know, in case you were wondering. ;) I just can't remember what it was, but still. I think I did tell you this. Oh well. *shrugs*

And wow. Random, even for me...

[clayangel.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure why I have such an aversion to GS. *looks mildly confused* I have absolutely no desire to see it, whatsoever --- *blinks* It's not that bad. ^___^ It's no Whose Line, true, but it's wonderful in its own way. It makes me think kind of of WL UK. It's like you finally get to mix things up because after Ryan, Colin, Wayne, Fourth seater you want to see something different. So it's really nice to get to see the Fourth seaters interacting. It's also most likely where Jeff started to feel like part of the group. And he is, in my opinion, considering that he tours with them. And Wayne doesn't even do that. (Which might be my biggest problem with Wayne, but we'll hide that away for now). So yeah, it's like WLUK but with a closeness that comes with these people knowing each other for a decade at this point. And you get to see both Greg and Jeff flirt with EVERYONE and there are new games and... it feels very similar to what a live show is like, actually. Plus you just have to see the one time Greg plays Moving People. Oh dear Lord, that man should never play that game. ^_^ If I can ever get my movie program to work, I plan on putting up my favorite games from GS. *kicks movie thing*

And yeah, I totally agree with you on the Ryan/Greg bitter thing. But there must be some way to make them happy... Hm...

Because I have a lot of trouble writing them together without mentioning Colin, and I kind of want to try. --- God, yes, that's like a challenge unto itself. I really want to write a Ryan/Greg, Colin/Wayne story right now but I have no idea where to start.

in one of the fics you wrote - although I'll be damned if I can remember which one (one of your Secret Valentines ones, I guess) - something about your Greg really, really reminded me of you. --- First I'll be amused that in my 2 Valentines stories I had Greg in a threesome in one and throwing a cigarette out a window in the other. Then I'll assume it's the latter you were referring to, though I don't think I'd mind being sandwiched between Ryan and Colin... ^_~ *ahem*

But yeah. Actually, I take that as a compliment. I identify(?) with Greg a lot. I'm not nearly as... Greg as Greg is, but he's probably the closest to me in personality. Or more likely I'm a cross between Greg and Colin. I think that's why I've been so into Greg lately. I just like writing him, and I tend to use him as a metaphor for things that I'm feeling, I think... at least I have been lately. And people seem to like the way I do Greg. It still amuses me that I wrote that Ryan/Colin smut thing and most of the comments talked about how much people liked the 2 seconds of Greg at the end. ^_^ Which was perfectly fine with me. Because I love Greg. *sigh* I wish I could get him to draw a picture for me.

[missmissy1288.livejournal.com]

You rock! I totally love you for writing this!

Okay, done with sounding like an obsessive fan girl...

This was great. As a newly converted fan of Chip/Greg, I was definitely glad to see this pairing, but at the same time, wishing Greg and Ryan stayed together. Did that make sense? *g*

I really do feel bad for Chip and Colin, seeing as how they're both so sweet (Chip moreso by how you portrayed him in your story). It's sort of sad and sweet at the same time. Sort of the...perfect points all wrapped up into one story.

Sorry if you are totally confused, but at this point in typing, so am I.

[clayangel.livejournal.com]

You rock! I totally love you for writing this! -- Yay. ^_^ It's fun to rock.

As a newly converted fan of Chip/Greg, I was definitely glad to see this pairing, but at the same time, wishing Greg and Ryan stayed together. Did that make sense? *g* -- *laughs* I think that's exactly how I felt when I was writing it. ^_^

[stilmoch.livejournal.com]

I love the way you play with tenses in this story and get it all to work. Lovely style...I always look forward to reading anything by you. Go ahead, write me a phonebook. *w*

Watching these two bastards going back to each other instead of being able to tell Chip and/or Colin how they feel/what they need is sad...bittersweet. I love "bittersweet" when it's done correctly. That's why I love this story.

Hmmmm...wonder how Colin and Chip would fare as a couple? ^__^

[clayangel.livejournal.com]

Watching these two bastards going back to each other instead of being able to tell Chip and/or Colin how they feel/what they need is sad...bittersweet. I love "bittersweet" when it's done correctly. That's why I love this story. -- First, thank you. ^____^ And second, yeah, they are bastards, but it's part of their appeal. And they DO love Chip and Colin. Very much so or they wouldn't be with them. They just have an... addiction to each other as well.

[ryanmochrie.livejournal.com]

A masterpiece. I love how Ryan and Greg want something they can never have but DO have at the same time. I've never seen Chip/Greg but I liked it how you did it. And you also succeded in not making Greg or Ryan look like Complete assholes like alot of these kinds of fics do. And it had a happy ending that was still kinda angsty.

[clayangel.livejournal.com]

Well, I do see Ryan and Greg as assholes... just not complete assholes. ^_^ And they're seriously not trying to hurt anyone... life just works out like that sometimes.

[ryanmochrie.livejournal.com]

They are assholes, that's why i love them. lol

[clayangel.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm...wonder how Colin and Chip would fare as a couple? ^__^

Meant to reply to this as well and forgot. ^_^; I've been wondering this myself, but it just doesn't work in my head. I plan on making an attempt at it eventually, just to see if I can, but I don't know... hm... maybe I'll go do that now...

[stilmoch.livejournal.com]

Weren't you the one to make Chip and Drew work? Or was that Indy? Gosh, so many rockin' fics I forget who wrote which one, or should I say, who sold me on what pairing. ^__^

[clayangel.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that was me. ^_^

[stilmoch.livejournal.com]

I was gonna say "No more excuses, then!" but you've already posted. Yay again!!

[blackstray.livejournal.com]

I really enjoyed it. interesting new style, it was fun to read. i'm a little braindead, so i realize this isn't a decent job at commenting. but i really just like the whole thing.

[clayangel.livejournal.com]

*rips out spine, replaces with love* You okay? Working too much?

[indybaggins.livejournal.com]

Oh, Emma-style! *nods knowingly* I loooove her style, and you pulled it off marvelously.

"He’s light and sunshine" Very good Chip desription.

I loved the "want to watch you" Ryan flashback. Very hot, painful in the fact that it is a memory when he is with someone else.

I like how he needs to get out of there.

"The last four nights he’d taken to holding me after sex. I think that was my first indication that something was wrong" Oh, so Greg. And for the rest of that flashback.

I really love how you worked out your ideas on Greg/Ryan love you talked about before.

[clayangel.livejournal.com]

I loooove her style, and you pulled it off marvelously. --- Thank you. ^_^ It's a fun style to play with.

I really love how you worked out your ideas on Greg/Ryan love you talked about before. --- *nods* That was my main motivation for writing this, trying to explore that, but it left me just wanting to write Ryan/Greg fluff. Does such a thing even exist?

[indybaggins.livejournal.com]

"Ryan/Greg fluff. Does such a thing even exist?" *laughs* Well, it isn't exactly canon, but hey, we re-write the canon for this fandom all time, so why not? ;)

[spacemonkey-699.livejournal.com]

You know, I feel incredibly horrible, not only for not reviewing this story when I read it (y'know, the day you posted the damn thing) and commenting on the awesomeness, but for stealing the premise..ish.
That's right, the cat is out of the bag, I'm a horrible, horrible person.
You see, I've always credited myself on being an original writer..to a point (it's been said that there are only 5 stories, but, hell, even if there are, the difference is that *I* wrote them) but when I read this story, my mind got a buzzin', and I knew I just had to do it.
To be fair, I didn't write it exactly like this, in fact, I only did the flashback thing, and torn between the lovers thing...oh, and I stole part of a line *smacks self* but it's not like I copyed and pasted it. And it's a Friends fic, so. But that's all, nothing more. No copyed words, or anything..
I dont know why I'm telling you this now, it's just been eating away at me...forgiveness, please? My soul needs to be cleansed.

[clayangel.livejournal.com]

*laughs* Don't worry about it. ^_^ Though I would like to see the friends fic.

[spacemonkey-699.livejournal.com]

*wipes brow* Phew, that's a load off my mind..I worry like that, it's both a gift and a curse...well, mostly a curse.
And you would like to see it?? Oh dear god.
I'll put it up on my livejournal, just for you. It's called 'Remember When It Rained' and...it's...it's het.
I know, I know. But Friends is the only thing I can write het for, but I also write slash for it. *worships Joey/Chandler*